My name is Carmen, I am 29 years old
And as a teenager I observed a lot of problems that my family went through. Because of that I started to avoid being at home and going out to parties. There I got introduced to Marijuana, Crystal, Cocaine and many types of alcohol. I would get so wasted that my friends had to carry me out of the party. I would flirt with men and get my way. There was a point in my life where I thought I had no solution, so I started to cut myself.
I wanted and needed to feel pain,
I would cut myself just so that I can have that feeling of being alive. Turning 23 was when I moved on to prescription pills, and I would get muscle relaxers to feel high. My depression and sadness made me fall deeper into the hole I had put myself in. At night I couldn’t sleep, I would hear and see shadows, I had nights were I thought of committing suicide was my last resort. There was also a lot of failed relationships and hard break ups, and my family led me to committing the actions.
One night I was outside on the balcony of the apartment, and I heard a voice saying “jump off, no one will miss you. Nobody cares about you!” To be honest, I don’t know what happened but I just couldn’t do it!
The next day my mom invited me to church and there I found the YPG. At first I didn’t want to participate but after some time, it helped me change. Slowly the transformation occurred, I started to be happy, more willing to live. Those thoughts disappeared, I stopped cutting as well. There were a lot of changes that happened in me. Now I’m completely happy. I don’t need drugs to fulfill that need. God does that and so does being part of this great team YPG.
Carmen Vizcarra, Pomona, California